A Brief Theology of Suffering in Childbirth
Written by Danica Buss
The world does nearly everything it can to avoid any and all suffering. Without an eternal perspective and without eyes fixed on Jesus, even the slightest discomfort in the here-and-now will be evaded at all costs. But for a Christian, whose eyes are fixed on Christ and whose perspective is for eternity with her Creator, what should her understanding of suffering be? And how would her righteous understanding of suffering guide her when she experiences pregnancy and childbirth?
Being blessed with a baby is an utter joy. Of course, that news can also come with plenty of other emotions, challenges, and exhaustion. But amongst all of that, we know that every baby is a blessing from the Lord. “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Psalm 127:3). We know that a baby is a blessing and that motherhood is a God-given responsibility. We also know that rearing children isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. After sin entered the world through Adam and Eve, God made the curses upon men and women clear. “To the woman he said, ‘I will surely multiply your pain in childbirth; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). We’ll leave that second half for another article, but let’s zoom in on the first half as it relates to pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. The Lord God clearly stated that a woman’s pain in childbirth will be multiplied. He didn’t say it would be easy-peasy to deliver babies; he didn’t say there would be a way through birth that would be painless if we just had some mysterious (nonexistent) level of “enough faith”; and he didn’t even say we had any other option but pain. It may even be fair to say that expecting anything else would directly counter the Word of God. He also made it clear that women will have pain in bringing forth children. So in other words, birthing babies will be hard, and diligently raising children in the way they should go will be difficult. This suffering we’ll experience will remind us of sin, the effect of sin over all of God’s creation, and that this world is not our forever home.
Now, before we jump to some conclusion that we must do anything we can to avoid pain in these God-given endeavors - despite that maybe sounding like an understandable, worldly desire - let’s carefully examine what else God says about pain, suffering, and trials. In James 1:2-4, we’re instructed to “count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Every pregnant woman faces a trial of some kind throughout her pregnancy. Some women’s trials are on a grander scale than others, but nonetheless, even before that baby is met face-to-face, there’s a requirement of sacrificial living by sharing her body with her baby. If she’s being a faithful steward for the Lord, she’s thinking of that child when she makes daily decisions, she’s praying for that child often, and she’s witnessing her body grow and change and stretch to accommodate the new life of that precious baby. Sometimes those changes, mercifully, aren’t a major challenge, but plenty often they are. Motherhood begins the moment that baby is formed by the Lord God and placed in her womb, and righteous motherhood requires joyful sacrifice (see Romans 12:1). In the changes, growing, and waiting, the Lord is sanctifying each mother’s heart. He’s using this child (like he uses all things) for her good and His glory. And that’s all before even getting to labor and birth, yet it’s such a beautiful prelude.
As Christian women, as we prepare for the birth of our babies, let’s first carefully examine our hearts and pray that the Lord would expose any sin that’s influencing our hopes or decision-making. Because if we know that suffering is coming, even to some yet-unknown capacity, and that it will be thoroughly God-ordained, we have to ask ourselves: Do I trust the Lord God with my suffering? And in the suffering that I will endure by His grace and strength, will I place my trust in things of this world, or will I fully place my trust in the Lord? The suffering we will endure in childbirth will be pain with a purpose. This suffering is the working out of an eternal glory. It is the bringing-forth of literal new life. With a softened heart, this suffering will produce a greater obedience to the Lord, which is enough in itself for us to utterly rejoice in. Jesus patiently endured suffering beyond our understanding, and yet our own suffering blessedly gives us a richer understanding of His sacrifice and love (see Hebrews 12:2).
Therefore, as we move forward in planning for childbirth with a posture of eager and joyful obedience to the Lord’s will, consider the following principles. These principles can be used to make specific plans and decisions, prepare your heart for what’s to come, and even as reminders later on when processing birth after the experience is passed:
1) We don’t try to run away from hard things, especially when the hard thing is the right thing. When we trust that the Lord provides even in our weaknesses, we cling to the Lord and surrender to Him through every trial (see 2 Corinthians 12:9 and Galatians 6:9).
2) We must do what’s best for our babies. We don’t make choices solely based on our own personal comfort or based on the fear of man. This relinquishes our dependence on the Lord, forsakes our duty to mother selflessly, and, bluntly put, may be selfish and foolish. We must seek to be selfless and wise, in all ways, and certainly in regards to the birth of our babies. We lay down our life for their well-being, and we rely on the Lord to give us wisdom for each next decision (see James 1:5).
3) We have self-control. Wee are not controlled by our feelings, and we do not make decisions simply because of how we feel in the moment. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9). Christian women are to be self-controlled (see Titus 2:5 and 2 Corinthians 10:5). We don’t honor the Lord by making choices solely based on fleeting feelings, but instead we prayerfully choose what’s in accordance with scripture and follow the leading of our own husband (see Ephesians 5:22).
4) We trust the Lord always, most certainly including times of discomfort, pain, suffering, and the unknown. We don’t get to know the outcome of our births until we’re on the other side of it. But the only way to the other side is through, so we cling to the Lord knowing He will be with us all the way.
5) We keep in mind that this suffering is temporary. We know, without a doubt, that the Lord will guide us and be with us. He alone directs our steps. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). While there is suffering in this life that lasts until the Lord brings us home to Him, childbirth does not last a lifetime, and it certainly doesn’t last an eternity (but being with the Lord does!). Fix your eyes on Jesus and take comfort in His presence. He will see you through.
6) We get to praise God in our suffering! Much of the book of Psalms is a perfect template for this - honest prayer that always results in praise. Even while laboring, especially while laboring, praise God! Implementing this in your birth experience will be an absolute blessing to you and your baby. Pray without ceasing, and praise God for all that He’s working out right in this very moment.
7) We know and trust and delight in the truth that our (birth) story is all for God’s glory. There are no trophies in heaven for the women who had unmedicated births. And while many will strive for that (in grace) because of the countless good reasons to do so, striving for any certain birth for our own glory, will only bring more pain. “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Let it all - childbirth included - be worship and praise and honor to our Lord.
Birth will be difficult. Some births are physically more difficult than others, and some are emotionally more difficult than others. There are all sorts of definitions of pain and suffering, but each means discomfort, hardship, and challenge to some degree. And when God declares something, it’s as good as done (see Josuha 21:45). When he stated that childbirth would come with pain (discomfort, hardship, challenge), he meant it with surety. We can count on this. But this doesn’t mean it has to be some sort of horrific experience or that it will be insufferable, quite the opposite - anything that brings us to greater dependence on the Lord is a mercy and a blessing. And this is exactly what enduring childbirth is - a mercy and a blessing which sanctifies us. We have the hope of Jesus Christ, we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us, and we have the assurance that the creator God Almighty will never leave us nor forsake us (see Deuteronomy 31:8). This also gives way for further explanation of 1 Timothy 2:15, which declares, “Yet she will be saved through childbearing - if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.” The sacrificial love and utter dependence on the Lord that’s required in childbearing not only produces steadfastness in us, but it also saves us, sanctifies us.
So when we plan our birth, yes, we learn about the process of birth, we carefully choose the care team that will surround us for our experience, and we wisely prepare our minds and bodies for the work ahead - this is faithful stewardship - but we never need fear. We never need to make choices simply because we don’t think we can “tolerate the pain” or because we think we’d just rather not do it this way or that. And we certainly don’t go into birth thinking we, who can’t even save ourselves, would be able to control every speck of the process. No, we joyfully enter into the labor and birth process with the confidence that we will be guided by the Lord God, that He will work through our weaknesses, that we are loved and provided for, and that He holds the future for our baby and for us. What an absolute privilege, fellow Christian women, to give birth to these blessed babies for the glory of God. In Romans 5:3-5, we’re reminded to “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Childbirth is many, many things. It’s hard. It’s glorious. It brings you to the absolute end of yourself, and it brings you to greater dependence on the Lord (praise God for this!). It’s messy and beautiful. It’s hard and wonderful. The ending of your birth story isn’t certain, yet the faithfulness of the Lord most certainly is. Trust him, do the hard work, and rejoice in his goodness to see you through.